Helpless

Soemtimes
i just feel helpless
People around seems don't understand our job...
Unless you are in the practise, or else it is difficult for you to understand what are we been through,
as a doctor....

For most people,
sick is common cold...
The reason they see a doctor are mostly for URTI and AGE....
A lot of healthy people don't realize the diversity of diseases out there...
For them, these maybe only occur in drama or movies...

Well, i will think they are lucky...
Cervical cancer with spinal metastasis causing paralysis...
Ovarian cancer with distant metastases unable to undergo chemo d/t renal impairment
Breast cancer in pregnancy necessitating termination of pregnancy
Invasive mole with massive bleeding requiring massive blood transfusion and chemotherapy
Cervical ca with bilateral obstructive uropathy complicated by urosepsis
These are the few cases i met in my few weeks time in Gynea Onco unit...
Not a cheerful unit...
But i learn a lot...

Healthy people out there has no idea what are we facing...
They also has no idea what cancer patient facing...
It is very difficult to make them understand
but why waste energy and time?

This is the life we choose...
To treat, to help, to care, to comfort....

"Out here in the fields

I fight for my meals
I get my back into my living
I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven"

                                         -Baba O'Riley

Fix you....

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need......

I got an urgent bilateral antegrade stenting appointment for a cervical ca pt with obstructive uropathy... Hopefully with the stenting she can undergo radio therapy sooner...
After i got the appointment date which is the next day, i tell the pt's husband regarding this...
We sit down, i explained, i draw and illustrated... He hesitated... He wanna try traditional method... He got a few friends with similar problem healed after trying the traditional way....
I say fine... I give time for you to think and decide.... But deep inside my heart i hope they do it.... Traditional way to cure ca? I dont believe it, but i respect what they want....

On the same night the patient husband went to my boss and complain about me...
I dont know what is that about probably i pushed them too hard on the procedure...
Finally they refused for the procedure.....

I cried... I hide myself behind the ward and tear stream down my face and i just cant control them... This is not the first time i cry since i started my life as a doctor for one and half year... Each time for different reason...

"Treating illness is why we became doctors. Treating patients is actually what makes most doctors miserable."  -House MD

It is sometimes true... But I dont agree with this...
I remember few days ago i met a patient of mine during Ortho...
He has a fall and sustained Rt intertrochanteric fracture...
Planned for op initally however cancelled as we found his right lung is totally white from pre-op CXR...
We then go for conservative mx...
He is leaving in a nursing home... He is single and have no child....
At least he can sit on a wheelchair when he discharged from ward, after few weeks of skeletal traction....
I met him outside ED... He came for some followup...
He smiled, he actually laugh when he saw me... We shake hands...
I have to run for some urgent stuff and we didnt chat much...
That reunion really make my day...

There are a lot of other forms of reward in life of a doctor...
If the only motivation of work is your salary, then i suggest you to quit and get a office job....

I just need a small break...
I will pick myself up...
I will carry on.....