When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need......
I got an urgent bilateral antegrade stenting appointment for a cervical ca pt with obstructive uropathy... Hopefully with the stenting she can undergo radio therapy sooner...
After i got the appointment date which is the next day, i tell the pt's husband regarding this...
We sit down, i explained, i draw and illustrated... He hesitated... He wanna try traditional method... He got a few friends with similar problem healed after trying the traditional way....
I say fine... I give time for you to think and decide.... But deep inside my heart i hope they do it.... Traditional way to cure ca? I dont believe it, but i respect what they want....
On the same night the patient husband went to my boss and complain about me...
I dont know what is that about probably i pushed them too hard on the procedure...
Finally they refused for the procedure.....
I cried... I hide myself behind the ward and tear stream down my face and i just cant control them... This is not the first time i cry since i started my life as a doctor for one and half year... Each time for different reason...
"Treating illness is why we became doctors. Treating patients is actually what makes most doctors miserable." -House MD
It is sometimes true... But I dont agree with this...
I remember few days ago i met a patient of mine during Ortho...
He has a fall and sustained Rt intertrochanteric fracture...
Planned for op initally however cancelled as we found his right lung is totally white from pre-op CXR...
We then go for conservative mx...
He is leaving in a nursing home... He is single and have no child....
At least he can sit on a wheelchair when he discharged from ward, after few weeks of skeletal traction....
I met him outside ED... He came for some followup...
He smiled, he actually laugh when he saw me... We shake hands...
I have to run for some urgent stuff and we didnt chat much...
That reunion really make my day...
There are a lot of other forms of reward in life of a doctor...
If the only motivation of work is your salary, then i suggest you to quit and get a office job....
I just need a small break...
I will pick myself up...
I will carry on.....
